Friday, 22 February 2013

MY HEART IN MY HANDS...

                              'I will  wait on the Lord...and i will hope in him-Isaiah 8:17'.

Love is a feeling you feel for someone they say. But for me, love is loving an imperfect person perfectly. Love is when you can love the same person that hurts you. True love is not child's play. I am one of those that can not marry a man I do not love.
Love has gotten me into so much mess,sometimes I can't pull myself out,not until I realised that it's not love. Sometimes,I like to think I am an hopeless lover other times I tell myself you have to make sacrifices for the one you love.
When he screams at me and insults me after a frustrated day at work, I tell myself that's why I am here, I am here to help him ease his stress and I defend his frustration for him until I became his punching bag, he would beat me till I couldn't breathe and I would still defend him even to myself, I would remind myself the good things he used to do for me, how he stood by me when there was no one, how he comforted me when no one else could, I gave myself countless reasons why I should keep loving him, I reminded myself of how much he needed me.....

My name is Bidemi, I am 5'7feet tall with a slender figure, people say I have the hour glass figure but I like to think I just look like any normal African lady. I am dark skinned with pink lips. I work with a reputable company and my salary is in six figures. I met Tunji in 2005 at a youth conference organised by my church, I had an empty sit next to me. Tunji came late for the conference and he asked if he could sit on the empty sit and I said okay, that was how it all began.
We got talking after the program and we exchanged contacts, we started talking and hanging out, slowly, Tunji climbed his way into my heart. He was a man in more ways than one. He knew what made me happy and what got me upset. Our communication level was out of this world, I blink, he knew what I meant, oh! his sense of humor was to die for and yes, he spoilt me silly, I did not have to ask for anything before he got them for me, from the latest gadget to nice hair weaves and shoes etc.

Tunji was 5inches taller than me and he was what ladies would called TDH (Tall, Dark, Handsome), he had a fantastic job and he loved God, that was the first thing that attracted him to me. We dated for two years and on valentines day 2008 he popped the question infront of our families and friends, with tears running down my eyes I knelt with him and I kept screaming YES, YES, YES I will marry u my Tunji bobo as I called him. We kissed for the first time in three years and just kept hugging each other. Wedding preparation started and I couldn't have asked for a better wedding planner, family and friends, our wedding was heaven on earth.

We got married 27th of January 2009 and initially I thought that was the best day of my life, I thought that was the day I was born for, staring into the eyes of the man I love so much, little did I know that the day I said 'I DO' was the day I signed my death sentence.
We made love on our wedding night and I conceived, I was excited, God answered our prayers without us even praying because we wanted to start having kids some months into the marriage. I remember Tunji coming home that night and I gave him the news of my pregnancy but I got a slap as my reply.
He started screaming at me about how frustrated he was and did not need a child right now and we were just two weeks old, he started shouting of how his life had changed and how he wasn't ready. I was in total shock and I remember all I could ask was 'why did we get married if you were not ready' he said he needed to get married to get a  higher position at work and also to help his social status. He just wanted to look responsible.

I was overwhelmed, I just could not comprehend all he was saying, it was too much for me to take in. That night I cried myself to sleep and that was the beginning of my many tears. Tunji beat me till I had my third miscarriage and I told myself I have had it, I was not going to take one more insult, one more beating, I was done, I was really done.

Before he came back from work that night I had packed my stuffs and left the house and I took some days off at work. I did not want him to know my whereabouts so I lodged into an hotel but after three days Tunji came knocking at my door, I almost died, how did he find me, who told him I was there, it just did not make sense.
Tunji took me back home and reminded me of the agreements we signed about us never divorcing. I was doomed and so the beatings and abuse continued but this time it got worse, Tunji would do things I can't start to mention to you, just think about it, rape, insult, beating, all the abuse you can imagine, Tunji gave and did to me. I had no one to talk to not even God since I stopped going to church and believing in God along the way, I can not even remember how that happened.

On the 24th of March 2011, my colleague after much persuasion, got me to go to church with her and it was like the pastor was talking to me. All he preached about that day was how marriages fail without God being involved. I realized one major thing that was missing in my marriage, GOD. I made a vow to God that if he would help turn my husband bad ways to good I would come back to testify and work for him.
On my way home that day I branched at a christian bookshop and got some books on how to be a better wife,woman and worship God. I bought like 10 books and I started reading them. I started acting like a wife to a man that treated me like crap, I would leave work early, get home and make my husbands favorite meal for dinner, wash his clothes, make him hot water to bathe and do all those sweet things that should make any man love his wife all over but no, Tunji would come back and just ignore all I had done and just go to bed. I continued to do all this for 5months, I would send lunch, flowers and nice poems to his office, buy him gifts but he acknowledged none of this and I kept praying, fasting, sowing seeds and worshiping God. I got my pastors to pray with me too.

I was sitting on the bed on the 3rd of October 2011 when Tunji came running in, he was panting hard and I asked why he was home at that time and he just started crying, he cried and cried till he could cry no more, he kept begging for my forgiveness and I told him I had forgiven him since and was just waiting for him to come back home, he told me how he was asleep at work and dreamt of how he went to hell because of the way he treated me, I pulled him up, hugged him and that was how I got MY HUSBAND back. God did the work no man could. We went to church to give our testimony and in August 2012 we had our first child, Oluwabonilarajuasolo.
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1 comment:

  1. The ways of God no man can comprehend. Love is wat completes all... Lovely story T, kip it up, God will continually increase u.

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