'I will wait on the Lord...and i will hope in him-Isaiah 8:17'.
Love is a feeling you feel for someone they say. But for me, love is
loving an imperfect person perfectly. Love is when you can love the same
person that hurts you. True love is not child's play. I am one of those
that can not marry a man I do not love.
Love has gotten me into so
much mess,sometimes I can't pull myself out,not until I realised that
it's not love. Sometimes,I like to think I am an hopeless lover other
times I tell myself you have to make sacrifices for the one you love.
he screams at me and insults me after a frustrated day at work, I tell
myself that's why I am here, I am here to help him ease his stress and I
defend his frustration for him until I became his punching bag, he
would beat me till I couldn't breathe and I would still defend him even
to myself, I would remind myself the good things he used to do for me,
how he stood by me when there was no one, how he comforted me when no
one else could, I gave myself countless reasons why I should keep loving
him, I reminded myself of how much he needed me.....
My name is
Bidemi, I am 5'7feet tall with a slender figure, people say I have the
hour glass figure but I like to think I just look like any normal
African lady. I am dark skinned with pink lips. I work with a reputable
company and my salary is in six figures. I met Tunji in 2005 at a youth
conference organised by my church, I had an empty sit next to me. Tunji
came late for the conference and he asked if he could sit on the empty
sit and I said okay, that was how it all began.
We got talking after
the program and we exchanged contacts, we started talking and hanging
out, slowly, Tunji climbed his way into my heart. He was a man in more
ways than one. He knew what made me happy and what got me upset. Our
communication level was out of this world, I blink, he knew what I
meant, oh! his sense of humor was to die for and yes, he spoilt me
silly, I did not have to ask for anything before he got them for me,
from the latest gadget to nice hair weaves and shoes etc.
was 5inches taller than me and he was what ladies would called TDH
(Tall, Dark, Handsome), he had a fantastic job and he loved God, that
was the first thing that attracted him to me. We dated for two years and
on valentines day 2008 he popped the question infront of our families
and friends, with tears running down my eyes I knelt with him and I kept
screaming YES, YES, YES I will marry u my Tunji bobo as I called him.
We kissed for the first time in three years and just kept hugging each
other. Wedding preparation started and I couldn't have asked for a
better wedding planner, family and friends, our wedding was heaven on
We got married 27th of January 2009 and initially I
thought that was the best day of my life, I thought that was the day I
was born for, staring into the eyes of the man I love so much, little
did I know that the day I said 'I DO' was the day I signed my death
We made love on our wedding night and I conceived, I was
excited, God answered our prayers without us even praying because we
wanted to start having kids some months into the marriage. I remember
Tunji coming home that night and I gave him the news of my pregnancy but
I got a slap as my reply.
He started screaming at me about how
frustrated he was and did not need a child right now and we were just
two weeks old, he started shouting of how his life had changed and how
he wasn't ready. I was in total shock and I remember all I could ask was
'why did we get married if you were not ready' he said he needed to get
married to get a higher position at work and also to help his social
status. He just wanted to look responsible.
I was overwhelmed, I
just could not comprehend all he was saying, it was too much for me to
take in. That night I cried myself to sleep and that was the beginning
of my many tears. Tunji beat me till I had my third miscarriage and I
told myself I have had it, I was not going to take one more insult, one
more beating, I was done, I was really done.
Before he came back
from work that night I had packed my stuffs and left the house and I
took some days off at work. I did not want him to know my whereabouts so
I lodged into an hotel but after three days Tunji came knocking at my
door, I almost died, how did he find me, who told him I was there, it
just did not make sense.
Tunji took me back home and reminded me
of the agreements we signed about us never divorcing. I was doomed and
so the beatings and abuse continued but this time it got worse, Tunji
would do things I can't start to mention to you, just think about it,
rape, insult, beating, all the abuse you can imagine, Tunji gave and did
to me. I had no one to talk to not even God since I stopped going to
church and believing in God along the way, I can not even remember how
On the 24th of March 2011, my colleague after much
persuasion, got me to go to church with her and it was like the pastor
was talking to me. All he preached about that day was how marriages fail
without God being involved. I realized one major thing that was missing
in my marriage, GOD. I made a vow to God that if he would help turn my
husband bad ways to good I would come back to testify and work for him.
my way home that day I branched at a christian bookshop and got some
books on how to be a better wife,woman and worship God. I bought like 10
books and I started reading them. I started acting like a wife to a man
that treated me like crap, I would leave work early, get home and make
my husbands favorite meal for dinner, wash his clothes, make him hot
water to bathe and do all those sweet things that should make any man
love his wife all over but no, Tunji would come back and just ignore all
I had done and just go to bed. I continued to do all this for 5months, I
would send lunch, flowers and nice poems to his office, buy him gifts
but he acknowledged none of this and I kept praying, fasting, sowing
seeds and worshiping God. I got my pastors to pray with me too.
was sitting on the bed on the 3rd of October 2011 when Tunji came
running in, he was panting hard and I asked why he was home at that time
and he just started crying, he cried and cried till he could cry no
more, he kept begging for my forgiveness and I told him I had forgiven
him since and was just waiting for him to come back home, he told me how
he was asleep at work and dreamt of how he went to hell because of the
way he treated me, I pulled him up, hugged him and that was how I got MY
HUSBAND back. God did the work no man could. We went to church to give
our testimony and in August 2012 we had our first child,